Little Man

Little Man 1/2*

"Little Man" will be honored by me at the end of the year, as one of the worst movies of that last 365 days. It is absolute garbage, with not one redeeming quality about it, whatsoever. Maybe some eye candy by Brittany Daniels, but that doesn't give any credible credit to any movie, no matter how bad. And the poster proudly proclaims "From the guys who brought you White Chicks." That, my friends, is nothing to really be happy about.

Now, I am all into the theory that sometimes movies have to be watched without looking for any value. Some movies are just made solely for the purpose of entertaining people. I often give bad movies a recommendation, because they are what they intend to be. But "Little Man" doesn't even work as entertainment value. I just can't imagine anyone being entertained by what goes on here. It plot revolves around not a story, but a gimmick. This has the power to be a sketch on a tv show, like "Saturday Night Live." It's such a stupid and horrible idea that it actually could work on that show.

"Little Man" stars Marlon Waynes as Calvin, a short criminal who just got out of jail. There's an extended gag of him coming out of jail after lifting weights, hiw shadow acting as if he's the biggest man in the world, but then, of course, he comes out rather short. This isn't funny, because we know exactly what he looks at based on the advertisments. There's no payoff here, because we know the joke. Anyway, him and his partner Percy have been assigned to steal the queen's diamond, which is residing in a local jewerly store. So, the robbery does not go off without a hitch, and after a high speed police chase, Calvin has to hide the diamond inside a woman's purse. The purse belongs to Vanessa, whose husband Darryl really wants to have a baby. She, however, is too caught up with her job. She doesn't want a baby just yet, and wants to focus on her career. Percy and Calvin overhear this, and Calvin dresses up like a baby, and he leaves himself on their doorstep. Darryl and Vanessa are shocked to see certain things in this baby, like his super strenght, and the fact that he has a tatoo, and a scar from a knife fight. But, they take the baby in for the weekend since the child service office doesn't open again until Monday at 9am. They introduce the "baby" to their friends, and there's another gimmick where Calvin wants to be breastfed by the hot, busty woman, and instead gets the older, scarier lady. Very funny. . . . But Percy is being tagged by the boss of the Italian mafia who wants the diamond, time is running put, yada yada yada.

It's just really bad. All the usual jokes that are expected come out of here. Flatuence especially. The Waynes brothers have a tedency to make all their plots disturbing. Seeing Marlon Waynes as a tiny person, with the aid of horrible special effects, is just plain stupid. And it's just ridiculous that everybody really thinks that he is a baby, when it's quite obvious that he's not. The same problem with "White Chicks." The make-up effects there were just god-awful it didn't help make the movie any more believable. There is a sad attempt at satire at times, but I couldn't exactly tell of what. Was it about marriages, the fact that there is a role reversal? The man wants to settle down and have a baby, but the wife would rather focus on her job, instead of the usual other way around? There was a bit about children's programming, named Dinosaurous Rex(with a Rob Schiender cameo). But nothing consistant, nothingentertaining, nothing funny. One of the year's worst.