Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny *1/2

Now, I have had my share of laughs at some of the worst and dumbest movies ever made. I can quote my way through any conversation only using the dialogue of "Zoolander." I still crack up at the ending of "Club Dread," and in my eyes "Anchorman" is pure genius. But in the end, "Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny" is probably the worst dumbest movie ever made, and one that I was slightly embarrassed to be watching at times. It is full of random and crude humor, the likes of which should have hooked me the entire time. After all, I can appreciate jokes that come out of nowhere, but in this case they weren't even funny, or half way clever. It was nothing, and by the time it was over I felt like my time had been wasted.

I'm surprised that the word "unfunny" could be used describing a Jack Black movie, but in the end he's the only aspect of this wretched film that held any type of value. There are moments where a simple facial reaction from Mr. Black could made my sides split. And this is his baby too. His band, or "band." The film is about the creation of what Black and his partner Kyle Gass describe as "the greatest rock and roll band of all time." As a kid, Jack Black was never understood by his father. In a ridiculous opening, young Jack Black manages to rhyme rock with another word that starts with a "c" numerous times as his father destroys all of his rock and roll posters and decorations in his bedroom. Jack decides that the only way to really be able to explore the world of rock and roll is to run away from home, which he does. He makes it to Hollywood, and spots a street performer who he believes to have amazing sounds. The performer is cocky and a show off. Introducing himself as Kyle Gass, he refuses to show anything to Jack, and describes how popular his band-the Kyle Gass Project-is. A local pizza man is psyched to see this, and ends up becoming a groupie for the two of them. Kyle agrees to show Jack some moves, and they even become friends of some sort, until Jack learns that Kyle isn't famous at all. Jack and Kyle set out to find out how they could become amazing musicians. They learns from a strange guitar store owner that all famous rock and roll legends have had one thing in common-they have been in possession of The Pick of Destiny-a guitar pick that is actually part of Satan's tooth. The pick is currently residing in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and the two take a road trip to track it down.

There were a few moments of slight chuckles. Black is always worth a laugh or two, and Tim Robbins had a pretty witty cameo as a strange man who desires the pick as well. But always every other joke here was embarrassing to watch-including Jack Black getting high by accident and having a cartoonish fantasy of himself, and a final showdown with Satan who decides that he wants the pick back for himself. Finally, the songs of Tenacious D are nothing to write home about. They are supposed to be dumb but witty, but they simply go off the border of completely dumb. Every other word was R rated, and it wasn't even profanity that made it funny. It was filler for nothing. They say that whenever dialogue is all foul language it's because the writers couldn't think of any quality lines. I disagree with that sometimes, but in this case that adage applies. This is a narcissistic film, which was obviously created by Black and Gass as something for themselves. I'll bet that their minions-or fans of the band-will find this the greatest thing ever put to celluloid, and anybody stoned would find it more than amusing. But other than those two demographics, there is nothing here for anybody-not even a Jack Black fan. I was more interested in who else would show up-aside from Tim Robbins there was Ben Stiller-than what was happening with the jokes or story. "Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny" is a complete waste of time, and Black should move on from this band of his and return to some quality comedy films. Is that so much to ask? I guess I should have realized what I was in for with my eleven year old cousin laughing the whole time to the left of me, and my forty year old uncle sleeping within the first ten minutes to the right of me. I wish I could've fallen asleep too.