The Return

The Return *

Sarah Michelle Gellar needs to fire her agent, and quick. After starring in the horrid "The Grudge," and then playing a bit part in abysmal "The Grudge 2," Gellar returns to the horror genre for the intolerable "The Return," which is about as much fun as getting stabbed in the eye. There are moments in this film that are so dull, and so contrived and stupid that it is difficult to watch. I had a better time checking to see how much longer was left. Gellar seems to be attempting to channel some kind of Queen of Fright, but fails at every attempt. There really is no reason for her to be acting anymore, not after "Buffy" ended. This is by far one of the worst movies of the year.

Gellar plays Joanna Mills, a young sale woman who has just been given a job out in the Midwest that could be amazing for her career. She is a little reluctant to take a part in the job, as it is in her hometown where she is haunted by memories of her childhood. Something happened to Joanna years ago, and she is haunted by visions of her past. She continues to hear the same song on the radio, she continues to go into a trance where she ends up slicing her arms with sharp objects, and she continues to hear a creepy man call her "Sunshine." And so after a quick visit to her father, played by Sam Shepherd who should stay in "Don't Come Knocking," she sets out to find out why these things happen to her, so that she could gain control over her life again. But of course, supernatural forces try and stop her at every way, including their presence in a mysterious house. . . .oooooooooo.

I'll give the movie some credit for not have the usual scares that one would expect from something like this. "The Return" doesn't feature anybody suddenly standing behind Joanna, or a black cat be the cause of a mysterious noise. Instead it doesn't feature any scares at all, and has alot of Joanna simply walking down a road, or the steps of a house. She doesn't speak much, and when she does it's hard to take her seriously because she always sounds like she's talking to Freddie Prince Junior. It also repeats itself to the point where I thought the projectionist screwed up. Gellar is normal, Gellar walks around, she cuts herself, repeat. There was some kind of attempt at an action scene at the end, but this is one of those films where the director forgot that in the dark it is impossible to see, therefore impossible for me to care. "The Return" is a dreadful experience, dark and unnecessary, boring and stupid. There is simply not point to this at all. Gellar needs to go away, and find some other work because it's obvious that the acting gig simply isn't cutting it. Go stick to "Volver," a much better film which ironically stands for "to return." This is a waste, and if I hadn't seen it for free, I would be writing hate mail to Rogue Pictures for subjecting me to this. The horror genre stays dead. . .